On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
