i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
