hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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