I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
