her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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