I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
