happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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