WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
