I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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