you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
