are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
