If that was your dad, he is hot
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
zippers are such a cool invention
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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