If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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