D3 body, D1 cock
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
