You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
