like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
