worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
