Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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