Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
