I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
