I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
