dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
