I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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