Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
