My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
3pm strippers are depressing
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
