So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
