My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
