Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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