We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Less talking, more tequila
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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