so that wasnt chicken after all
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
