U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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