Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
