We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
