We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
