so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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