my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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