I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Let's get the cat blown out
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
