this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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