Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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