So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
