Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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