I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
