How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
