It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
