Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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