I can tuck mytits in my pants
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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