I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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