Sponge bath it is.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
