you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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