I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
