i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
